Cartoon characters and kids’ show characters often seem asexual, with no sexual preferences whatsoever. Others, however, seem like they could possibly fancy other cartoon characters of the same gender. The sexuality of cartoon characters is not something most children worry about, or even notice, but adults with too much time on their hands sit and fret about these characters imposing their hedonistic lifestyle on our kids. Here are ten cartoon or children’s show characters whose sexuality has been called into question by so-called grown-ups who obviously need something better to do with their time.
1. SpongeBob
A yellow sponge with a pink starfish as a best friend? How could he not be gay? Everyone loves SpongeBob, but have you ever seen him on a date or in love? Of course, there’s Sandy Cheeks, his girl friend, but there’s never really been any romantic interest developed there (she’s a “girl friend, not a girlfriend). There was that episode where SpongeBob married Sandy, but it was for a play. It’s more believable that SpongeBob and Patrick are getting busy under Patrick’s rock than SpongeBob marrying a girl.
2. Dora the Explorer
Dora the Explorer is not only ambiguous sexually, she’s also annoying as hell. This prepubescent little troll struts around with her best friend, a monkey, and a purple backpack on her back, telling kids what to do in a very loud voice and throwing a bit of Spanish in every now and then for good measure. Her tendency to repeat herself is also irritating, but above all that, Dora seems to be a role model for aspiring lesbians everywhere. Look at her fashion sense, for one thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with that….
3. Teletubbies
Here are another bunch of kids’ characters who have been publicly “outed” in the media. Does anyone really care whether Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, or Po are gay? The Teletubbies are disturbing on far more levels than that, and look as if they were conceived by people obviously on an acid trip. The one that carries a purse is a bit questionable, but adults like Jerry Falwell calling their sexuality into question have way too much time on their hands. (Falwell said that Tinky Winky was gay because he’s purple, has a triangle on top of his head and carries a purse… c’mon, really?) They all have effeminate voices, but does that tell us anything?
4. Peppermint Patty
I remember thinking as a child that Peppermint Patty was a “tomboy” — isn’t that what we used to call a girl with masculine tendencies? Whatever happened to that moniker? Now any girl who enjoys sports, has boys as friends, and is a bit more athletic than her female counterparts is called a lesbian. Well, in this case, maybe Peppermint Patty is a bit too close to her friend Marcy, but didn’t she also carry a torch for Charlie Brown (whom she called “Chuck,” if I remember right)? The jury’s still out on this one.
5. Bert and Ernie
People have been saying for years that Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie need to come out of the closet. True, they are two guys living together (and don’t they even sleep in the same bed? That’s a bit weird). But again, this is a case of having too much time to think about things that really don’t matter a whit to preschoolers. Are Bert and Ernie trying to force some homosexual agenda onto our kids? I don’t think so. Are they teaching them some valuable lessons about life and friendship? You can bet your bigoted heart on that.
6. Barney
“I love you, you love me…” A lovable purple dinosaur is possibly gay? Maybe. He does offer a lot of love, and asks for it in return, but I don’t think it’s in a bad sense. Is the guy who wears the Barney costume gay? Who knows? Does he have an annoying nasally voice? Absolutely. Does that automatically qualify him as being gay? Not really. Kids don’t care if Barney’s gay, straight, bisexual, blue, black, or, well, purple. For some unfathomable reason, they love him anyway.
7. Chip & Dale
These two Disney chipmunks have been ambiguous for years. First, there’s that fake, prissy British accent. They also never seem to appear singly, but always as a duo. These two males have been sharing their lives together for the past 50-odd years, and, as some gay activists have said, should legally be married by now. Others say that one is gay, but the other is not (but which one? They look absolutely the same!)
8. The Wiggles
Personally, I like these guys; my two-year old loves them, and they keep him occupied boogying in front of the TV for a half-hour a day. Their songs are infectious and catchy, and if you’re a parent, you’ll find yourself singing them long after your child is in bed. But are they gay? If I had to make a bet, I’d say the one in the purple, Jeff, might be gay; he’s the one that falls asleep all the time. Makes you wonder why he’s always so tired… maybe he’s been out at the gay bars too late the night before!
9. Elmo
Elmo is a cute, lovable red monster your kids love to watch on Sesame Street. He has a friend named Mr. Noodle (hmm, questionable?) and is always smiling and talking to his goldfish. Some have postulated that Elmo might be gay. In fact, there’s a whole group on Facebook dedicated to that premise, called “Elmo is G.A.Y.” His voice is a bit girly (despite the fact that a large black man provides it!) but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay. Again, he’s not trying to teach kids anything offbeat or harmful, so what does it really matter, anyway?
10. The Smurfs
The Smurfs began as 100 blue, shirtless men in tights frolicking in the forest. The first female introduced to the group was created by their arch nemesis and was evil and intent on destroying them all until she was fixed by Papa Smurf. By the time the series ended, there were 105 male Smurfs and only 3 females. So were they gay or straight? They were blue, but that doesn’t really tell us anything concrete. They didn’t seem to like girls, and tended to stay amongst themselves, but that could just be called ‘Male Bonding’. They had names like Handy Smurf, Dreamy Smurf, and Vanity Smurf. … you be the judge.
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